15/03/2010 Being single again

This morning has had 3 suprises for me:

1. A picture of my boyfriend with some lipstick. (I guess it is the same lipstick as the skinny girl with the faked boobs next to him is wearing)
2. A post on Facebook that my boyfriend is single now
3. Tons of snow

I mean, I am not stupid. I could imagine that he is not always busy by his studies. And I was from moment -2 (not from moment 0) doubting if our relationship will be successful (As we remember, I refused his first 3 proposals, because I did not believe in it). And I was thinking about splitting up since almost one month. But I was really suprised, that a man, giving a formal proposal use the facebook status to terminate a "serious, sustainable realtionship".

I mean, even I was not that mean... But maybe this are this intercultural differences... I do not know what I have to think about all the actions in the last 2 months. We have had very big problems by daily toipics (who cares how much, what are expectations from us, what is the goal from the other...) There were some arguments, which suprised me, because I did not seen my fault. On the otherhand, he also often did not understand why I was reacting in a special way. Sad, that we will never find out.

So, but talking about my feelings: Do I feel hurt? - Not really. I mean, we have had a nice time, nothing is lost. Do I feel confused? - Defently! I mean, I did not asked him for a relationship... Why are you demanding something, which you just dump some weeks later? Do I feel sad? - Yes. But not about loosing him, not about beeing dropped this "innovative way", not about having lost my love. It is more, I am sad that it was not working out. - Tick Tack - Sad, that this dream to join his family dispers. - Tick Tack - Sad, like with a not successfull project. - Tick Tack-. Does this feelings confuse me? Maybe. No. For sure a bit. And than this "Tick Tack" - Tick Tack - ... Will I ever have a nice "serious, sustainable" relationship? - Tick Tack -

But after all, I am not sad, I am not angry, I feel like I ever feel. I enjoyed the half meter of new snow, I enjoyed my walk in the sun, I enjoyed the group work, I enjoyed my swimming training. (In special, I enjoyed being upgrade in a better league... here are some delicacy)

Regarding to my task to write a diary ... I know what to write today. This topic is since long time in my head. Everywhere in Warsaw is a poster. I do not understand it in detail, but so much: Bartek is 20 years old and missed. I look on this poster, showing a smiling young man, who reminds me to an very good friend of mine. And I get immedetely sad. I feel with his family, I feel their worries, their sadness, their hope, their fear. And suddently, every thing is simple. Forget about intercultural values and communication and ethnocentric blablabla. All people around the world are simple and the same: They just want to be loved and wants their loved ones to be happy and well. This is all. So simple.