24/11/2010 - I make my driving license

Yes. I decided today to make my driving license. I will buy my first car soon. It is not, that I want to buy one. I think, it is costy and ... I do not like it. Well, mostly because it is costy and I have to arrange so much... invest time, money, effort... all those things. and I have never had a own car... I do not feel that I need that.. I like my bike a lot... But I am rational and I know my friends will kill me, if I do not buy my own car soon and drive them for the next 2 months. And they are right. In Florida, you need a car. The urban planning is ... weak. No public transportation and no efficient ussage of the space. So, you need already a car from your housedoor to the letterbox or garbage can, because they are a half mile away. They do not have a 2nd or 3rd floor, so everything is pretty wide. And because they do not have public transportation, each house has to have plenty parking slots in front for all the people with their huge trucks. And this spreats the city much more out... A devil cycle. And now, I am in it. So I need a car. I have never had an accident, however I am rational enough to buy an insurans (here we see the german low risk tolerance). The US-insurance system is kind of funny. They are not interested in my 10 year accident free driver report. No, they are only interested in an Florida driving licensen to calculate my insurance fee. And the difference is huge. With my german driving license I have to pay 100 USD per month on insurance, with an Florida licenses 30 USD. And the license costs 50USD... So... well for sure I will do this amazing test....
And so it comes, that i am busy with statements like:

Hitting a row of bushes is better than hitting a tree, post or solid object

Aha... good to know.

14/11/2010- November sun & avocado omlettes

What a great day today!
I woke early up and meet some colleagues for a fantastic breakfast. We discovered a wonderful place and enjoyed the fresh food. Later, I went shopping with my friends and rested in the warm sun with coffee. We counted 8 pregnant women crossing and plenty of kids. The temperature was confortable 24 degrees and there was already a decorated chrismas tree in front of the Italien restaurant.

13/11/2010 Soooo early

Ahhh! 7:00 am and my alarm rings. Puh... I am so used to sleep until 9-ish or 10-ish. So, everything before those times seems to me to be cruel. I do not remember how I managed it to stand up at 5:00 am in the past.... And even than I went out all the nights... Seems I get old :)

Old or not, I have an exam to take today. A wonderful operations and ERP exam. Lucky me, that I like those topics, lets hope I will also like the grade :)

Btw... did I mentioned? I made my desicion. I will stay. Juhuuu! Finally, I can buy sooo any shoes, furtniture, and decoration as I want! :-) No thoughts about how to transport them, or how to stay under 23kg luggage!

Seems the gipsy times are (a bit) over. Let's see how long it stays like this this time :) (My longest was 7 months without exessive travels)

10/11/2010 - The danger of the wildniss

Short notice...
I have had a pool party yesterday. Yes. It is mid-November and I can still held some fancy pool parties. (However, it was in the hot tube, because even here it is getting "colder")
it was a great evening and we have had a lot of fun... Until this silly aint showed up and bite me.
I am alergic to those fire aints and whenever they bite me, it gets a big infection and everythings swells and so on. Those little friend did not care about that an bite me in my butt.
Today, I could barely put my jeans on, so swallen was my body. In special my ass, which has La-Lopez dimensions. Could be funny if it would not be so painful. And I have had to sit the whole day. It was like having a painful pillow... sitting 10 cm higher than usual

07/11/2010 I stay?

My dear friends, I am sorry for being that busy, or lazy. I did not wrote much the last weeks. This was kind of, because I was busy with all the school work, on the other hand, it was because I was lazy, and than, it was also, because there was nothing spectacular in my life. Not in comparison to before, but a lot in private is going on:
1.) It seems I stay here. On Friday, I got a job offer. Incl. Visa. At a good company. I guess I will take it.... However, it is completely the opposite of all I wanted. I needed a ex colleague to find this out. But it is true. The new job is work intensive, stressfull and will me not give any chance to build up a private life the next years. Further, it does not support me on the way to a "real" management position... like a head of department or so. IT might bring tons of money, but... I was never interested in that.
2.) My exboyfriend has now his residentship. One more year and he will own a brittain passport. Than he will go back to India... So he said in our last talk. However, he is again not talking anymore with me. I want to be with him, but his insane behave gives me and us no chance. Tztztztz
3.)My date is not dating me anymore. He is searching for the real love. Maybe I told him some times too often that he is speaking too much and should just be quiete and pretty. Yes, I know, I am not nice, but, I was it never. And yes, I know, that I repeat the asshole-pattern from some of my ex... But, well, this is how I am.
4.) Well, on friday, I have had my master defense. it was a video conference with 3 continents. However, the Chinese were not connected and the polish were too late. It startet 8:00am east coast time, I was already awake at 5pm for getting prepared. I also prepared a kind of breakfast for my friend, who gave me a ride. This guy... I know him since a year. He was really obstinate in asking my help with his flat...Somehow we got friends... I think. I like him. And he does a lot of the cute things for me. And me for him. well, he was there for getting breakfast and giving me a ride. After the defense, we went with the others to a bar to join the happy hour. But first, he dropped me home for changing the cloth
5.) when we arrived at the bar, the table was already full with 15 people, we took a seat the waitress came, geave us the menues and called me out as the girlfriend of my date. 3 times. Well, after this, my friend, he spoke the whole time with the girl next to him. And he did not drove me home. And he did not pick me up for the party in the evening. Clear.

well. You see, a lot of things, but not really things to share in detail, not really positive, not really exiting, just the daily crab.

And I get fat. I gained since I am in US already 7kg. I hate it and I work out every day. But... No help at all. Today I worked out twice, and after that, I went with my friend and a bottle of wine in the hot tube. We talked, we listen to beautiful music from "Söhne Mannheims" and we spoke about the deeper meaning.... And I thought of Jernej, my very best friend, who I lost because I was too busy to listen. Well. A bad feeling. And I feel the lack of him again. And I see, that I was not even thinking of him in the last weeks. Nad I feel much worse. How can it be, that I forget to think of one of the most wonderful persons in my life? How can I dare to forget him? And how dare from me to forget about all the other people I love so much?

Make this all sence what I do here? Or is it complete against all my values?

I am far away from the people I love, far away from my family, and far away from my goals. I am busy, too busy to keep my friendships, I am surprised that some of my former best friends have 3 years old kids... I am too stressed for anyone outside of me. I am too busy to be a friend, or even a part of the society. There are people, who are really important to me. And they are so happy, if they see me.... But I am since over a year too busy with silly things to visit them.
I am far away from my goal of finding a special one and having a family. And with this new job, I will stay far away from that for the next 5 years. And the time is running. Somewhen, I will wake up... alone. And it is too late for everything. I will be maybe rich, maybe not, but not relaxed, not healthy and not surrounded by friends and family. All is possible... well we will se ;) .